After Week 3

Well, we had our first clinical day on Monday at Children's Hospital and our 2nd day at Sharp Memorial. Children's was really slow. We don't get to pass meds, just do assessments and vital signs. At Memorial though, I got to pass pills (nutrient supplements and pepcid), give a shot (lovenox, an anticoagulant) and three IV piggybacks (like flagyl IV, levaquin and magnesium sulfate). I had two patients, which is the first time I've had 2 patients. I think I got everything done that needed to be done, but boy(!), I really have some time management skills to learn. I felt like all I did was give medications and write notes. Oh, and I took some glucose levels on one of my patients.

I met with the director of the MEPN program on Friday to discuss my path in the master's portion of nursing school. I'm currently on the Family Nurse Practioner (FNP) track, but am considering the Pediatric Nurse Practioner (PNP) or Master Nurse Clinician. The PNP is just an idea right now. It will depend how much I like taking care of children. I'm planning on doing an externship next year to get a better idea. If I don't though, I might just do the Master's degree. This will give me a MSN after my name (the FNP and PNP are just certificates), which will give me the ability to teach in nursing programs later in life. Also, I'll only have to take 27 more units to graduate with that after I get my RN. With the current inflation rate on campus, that will be about $30,000. It will be at least $60,000 for the FNP... sigh. Now some of you know why I get a funny look on my face when talking about the future of the program.

Tomorrow is the beginning of another week. My thoughts... study more Michael. I've procrastinated a lot so far. So hopefully I'll be able to hunker down this week. I think I found a study partner in one of my fellow classmates though. That's a definite answer to prayer. There's banana bread in the oven right now. It'll be edible in 40 minutes. Can't wait. You know you're jealous.

Why I'm a Nurse

Yesterday was Sabbath for Shannon and me. That was really nice. We went to church, watched the football game (Chargers v. Titans, 47-7) and then rested at home and watched Stargate and prayed. It was a restful day. Something that had been emerging in my heart for the past two days finally came out during prayer though. It was something deep that really has to do with a large part of me.

I've collected comics, read fantasy books, watched fantasy movies and sci-fi movies through the years. When I first picked up X-Men, I wanted to be a mutant so much. When I read the Chronicles of Narnia I wished that I would go to sleep one night and wake up in Cair Paravel or on board the Dawn Treader. I found that what I was doing was feeding my hunger for the spectacular and heroic. When I was at UCSD I was part of a Christian group called InterVarsity. There was always a sense of urgency regarding our ministry on campus. It was always vital that what we did was important. I think that somehow, I've made most of my decisions since college for a similar reason, being a part of something important. Nursing is without a doubt meant to accomplish that end in my life.

When I first thought of nursing it seemed like the perfect answer to my questions about the future. I wanted to do something "spiritual" as in service to someone else. But I also wanted to be heroic and save people's lives either physically or spiritually. It's always with the sick and dying and the drastic changes in lives occur. And I wanted to be there to be a part of it.

During prayer last night I finally realized that. All the questioning that I've done for the past couple months has, I hope, come to an end. What I want is only found in God. I already knew that, but I had to discover it anew I guess. Only in Him do I find the urgency I crave. Only in Him will I find the direction from a leader to whom I actually want to submit. And He will give me missions that are fit especially for me. I guess I'm really just craving a rush, and I know that a life of worship is the only way for me to get that. So, just in case anyone was wondering, that's why I'm in nursing.

Clinical Orientations Begin

I just had my 2nd clinical orientation today. My first orientation was at Sharp Memorial. To get there I will have to park at Qualcomm stadium and then be shuttled to the hospital. This is very aggrivating for me since I live closer to the hospital than I do to the stadium. The second orientation is at Children's Hospital, which is physically connected to Sharp Memorial. To get there I park at the National Guard Armory off of Mesa College Dr. (Let's here it for the military offering us healthcare workers some space!) (Ok, Qualcomm is nice, too.)

I think I'm going to like both clinical sites. They both seem very professional, as hospitals usually do. But Children's seems like it might be a lot of fun! I'm excited to see how my experience there goes because I'm very hopeful that I could go into pediatric nursing. (But, just to give you background, after I had a day in the OR, I thought I'd be an OR nurse; then after my psych clinical, I was thinking of being a psych nurse; with my luck I'll just be a regular Med-Surg nurse, which is nothing to be ashamed of.)

Well, I have a seminar to attend up in RB, so I have to leave in a few minutes so I can make it through traffic in time. Then it's back home for dinner, my wife and bed: I'm working tomorrow.

Studies Begin!

Well, it's my first Saturday since beginning afresh and I've already studied for 3 hours! Way to go me! I think that just about matches how much I studied during last Fall semester.

I just finished going over fluid, electrolyte and pH imbalances. It's amazing how complex our bodies are. God put into place so many different counter measures just in case one compensatory action fails us. For example(!): someone who is in the state of acidosis (blood serum level < 7.35pH) who suffers from COPD (emphysema, chronic brochitis) will be unable to expel enough CO2 to decrease blood acidity. So the kidneys will hault the excretion of bicarbonate (HCO3) in order to maintain pH balance.

This is pretty much the story of the entire body. It's pretty cool, no? Well, my parents are here and we're heading down to the Coronado Brewing Co. for lunch. Yah (real) Beer! (Boo Red Stripe) hehe.

God administered a gut-check...

Last week I had an experience with a patient that started a wake-up call for me as nurse. I was working at Alvarado. One patient who is well-advanced in years told me at noon when I brought her lunch tray that she expected more service of me. I hadn't had the chance to get her to take her shower yet because I'd been working with other patients. She basically used a lot of rhetoric, pulled the age card, and talked with my Charge Nurse. I talked with the charge nurse later and apologized for my lack of service and the words I used when communicating with this difficult patient. Looking back, I still think I had some validity for what I said to the patient, but I also know that God was being gracious with me.

The charge nurse told me what the expectations of patient care were for my position. It was clear that I was not meeting the mark. However, I wasn't completely missing it either, this at least didn't break me, but I did feel crushed. It's difficult for me when I fail in my job or studies. I take it very personally and assume it reflects on my self-worth. What she said though, helped me to take inventory of what I really believed about my job and nursing in general. I will outline the main points that I felt God speak to me through her.

1. Nursing is a job: Simply put, someone is paying me to do a service for them. Whether it be the patient or the hospital, I've been entrusted with an important task and I am asked to deliver those services in a specific fashion. I often forget that nursing isn't only a compassionate service, but an actual job. I need to respect my employer and do the best job for them that I can. And the plus to this is that if I do this, following their rules, I know I will be worshipping God because it would only mean better patient care.

2. Being in a Hospital sucks: Patients never ask to spend time in a hospital. It's scary, lonely and often noisy or uncomfortable. Patients are woken up every 4 hours for vital signs. There's no way to get good sleep at that rate. Looking back on my patient interactions, I see that I really could have afforded my patients more grace and sympathy. I've never been in there place and no matter how much I think I know what they're experiencing, I don't.

3. Follow God, not the nurses: I often find myself sucking up to nurses by joining in conversation about the patients in hopes of making friends. This is actually illegal due to privacy policy. But more than that, it is unkind. I think that most nurses really care for their patients, but it is difficult for any of them to be gracious to the "needy patient" all the time. Some patients end up being stereotyped, such as a "psych case" or "drug seeker" or "needy patient." This isn't just unkind; it's unfair. As I already said, the patients here didn't ask to be in this position. Some may not have control over their own thought patterns, may genuinely be in pain or may be scared out of their mind which causes them to ask a lot of things of the nurse. Everytime I think about what God has called me to I remember Matt 25. He simply said, "I was sick and you cared for me." Nothing more. He didn't say that we helped the person get over their addiction, withheld medications they had a dependency on, reprimanded them because they were acting like a frightened child or anything else. He commends the sheep in that passage because they had compassion on God's people, just as Jesus did when He walked the earth. I want that heart to reside in me.

The culture of nursing is often two-faced. Everyone wants to be a compassionate healer. But deep down, we also want to have an easier job. Why should we have to expend emotional energy on someone we blame for their own physical ailments? We'll reserve that energy for the ones who really deserve it. But Jesus came for the sick, not those without need of a physician. I want to follow Jesus in this. And it seems apparent to me that He wants me to follow Him also.

First Post

Well, school begins this week. So I figured that in honor of my 2nd year of what is sure to be filled with anxiety, failure, sucess and lots of poop, I should start a blog that will communicate all the joys and frustrations of nursing to my very squemish friends (like Terrence).

Currently I'm working as a CNA (that's a nurse's assistant) at Alvarado Hospital. I've worked there for about 7 months so far. So I feel like I'm ready to get back in the swing of things. My clinical rotations will be at Children's Hospital and Sharp Memorial, both of which are very close to my residence. Very convenient.

Expect a couple rants about quality of care, hospital policy and my growth pains as I become accustomed to my new calling as a servant to the sick and dying. I hope that what I learn and have to say will somehow reflect God's good news for the world. I have hope for this because the blog will be really sad if doesn't and because I need to be met by Him every day if I'm going to be in the field of healthcare at all.