Nerves

Contrary to what the title might lead you to believe, I didn't see a neuro surgery. Quite the contrary, this post is in relation to my nerves (which are shot!).

I've been having a lot of anxiety and depression lately. School is almost over for the semester (which is a good thing, right?), but the work that's due, which isn't really a lot to do, is adding to my stress. Add that to doctor's bills for Shannon (she's pregnant, surprise!) and an interview tomorrow at Sharp for an externship in the surgical ICU and I feel like a total mess. There are so many odds and ends on top of that which I find myself unable to get to until school is finished also.

But most immediately, I'm going to the Neonatal ICU today for my pediatric rotation. I'm dreading this because I just don't feel like my heart can handle it. I want to cry just thinking about it.

However, there's a silver lining. Shannon and I have been getting closer I think, closer than we've ever been. And she's been super supportive of me through this time of sadness. Friends from church are walking alongside me as well. Add that to a good dose of the Bible in life daily (Proverbs among others) and I am better equipped to hope.

We watched It's a Wonderful Life last night. I found myself identifying with George Bailey to a tee. I have such a wonderful life. I've blessed so many people and I have a life full of blessings, yet I feel unable to appreciate it, or rather, receive of it and be joyful. I feel unworthy of it all. But what a cool ending to the movie. Everyone that George worked so hard to help returned the favor and he found himself the richest man among them all. What a wonderful life! With that in mind, I think I might be able to make it through today at the least.