Rest

Wow, what a difference the Holy Spirit makes. Last week was so rough on Shannon and me. I felt overwhelmed by work and study and I just felt unable to rest and enjoy myself, ever. At home group on Sunday, I asked for prayer for us. I know God is totally helping us: this week was been a lot easier to handle. I'm actually gonna do an extra clinical day this week because I feel like I can handle it. wow!

One of the things I was convicted of while praying at home group was how poor of a 'spirit' I seem to have (translation: I never feel like I'll have enough of whatever it is I need). This it totally contrary to everything in the Bible. Isaiah 55 addresses the best; it calls out the poverty and dissatisfaction of God's people and tells them to go directly to the source, God Himself, and receive abundance. I'm still mulling over these thoughts, but I feel so much more satisfied and excited about life. I have less fear and anxiety about nursing (well, a little bit less).

Subsequently, my rest this week has been great! I've actually woken up about an hour before my alarm the last three days and felt pretty refreshed. I still took the extra hour for sleep, but the difference is still noticeable. Time with Shannon is less rushed as well; we can really enjoy the time we have together.

So now... I'm waiting at school for my class which begins in about 2 hours. Then it's off to the grocery store and home.

Yes, Really THAT Busy! & Creative Patients

I can't count the times that I've wanted to sit down and update this blog (mainly because I can't remember), but I just haven't had the time. Average schedule now:
Monday: 12 hour shift
Tuesday: 12 hour shift
Wednesday: School and study
Thursday: 12 hour shift
Friday: 7 hour clinical round and a little bit of rest
Saturday: upkeep my life and marriage
Sunday: church, home group biweekly and time with Shannon

But not this weekend! Oh no! This Saturday, it's Legoland and Outback Steakhouse, all the way! Yeah baby!

Ok, serious stuff now:

This Wednesday our Leadership class was requested (read: required) to attend the Janet Rogers Lectureship series at USD. I was interested, but probably would have stayed home and slept a little more if I'd had the choice. However, I was actually blessed by attending. I don't know what I think of the guest speaker after talking to her in person, but her work spoke volumes into my own understanding of God. She did her dissertation on art intervention for suicidal teenagers. She also described the effect that art had on cancer patients in her hospital in Florida. The patients were formerly resigned to death and depression. But, after making some form of art piece, they experienced a renewed sense of purpose. That just blew open the windows, swung wide the door and basically tore the roof off the house of my theology and understanding of God's will for our lives.

The past years have been hard for me in relating to God. I just felt so much pressure to perform, for Him, for Christians, for my family, for nurses and teachers. I just couldn't grasp the truth that God genuinely loved me, liked me and desired my best, and all this not against some greater desire to punish me. The last few months, largely attributed to the cessation of media in our house, I've begun to draw nearer to God. As this has happened, I've begun to see afresh the love and grace that continually flows from God, from the cross. I still don't spend a lot of time praying and reading the Bible, but I at least don't beat myself up everyday for not being a "good enough" Christian, like such a thing were ever meant to exist. (What an insult to the cross that idea is!)

Now to the point: God's been showing me that He has never meant for us to be depressed. He doesn't want us to dump on ourselves all our failures and sins. He commands us to be joyful and to receive His love. As I've pressed into this anthem of love, I've seen that God actually has a purpose for us, and it's not to be a perfect little person who dresses, talks or acts a certain way. No, God wants us to grow in faith and love and progress to our pre-fall nature. He desires our joy, love and general stress-free character to be developed via the Holy Spirit's influence. And what this lecture taught me is that God wants us to be little gods, just like Him. We're made in His image. When I heard that patients who had no purpose and were resigned to death found joy and purpose in making art, it made so much sense. Our God is a creative God. Ergo, we have a desire to create, to be productive, to work the ground and make wonderful things. That's what He did. The end result and the affection which we give our creation must be of a different design than God's, but the function of creating is still the same.

And so I thought to myself, "It makes sense that people would feel more healthy and 'better' when they are doing something they are meant to do." That's why worshipping God gives Christians so much joy. That's why children and artists alike love to draw and paint, why builders love to build. It's when we live unproductive lives that our level of satisfaction and joy decreases and death begins to settle inside of us. A heart and soul that is alive will cause a life to be productive and creative, whether the medium be art or science. I think that's why I've begun to journal more recently. I have a need to put down my thoughts and create... something!

So, in summary, God loves us and wants us to be who we were meant to be: beloved creations who create and love and find joy in God.