Why I'm a Nurse

Yesterday was Sabbath for Shannon and me. That was really nice. We went to church, watched the football game (Chargers v. Titans, 47-7) and then rested at home and watched Stargate and prayed. It was a restful day. Something that had been emerging in my heart for the past two days finally came out during prayer though. It was something deep that really has to do with a large part of me.

I've collected comics, read fantasy books, watched fantasy movies and sci-fi movies through the years. When I first picked up X-Men, I wanted to be a mutant so much. When I read the Chronicles of Narnia I wished that I would go to sleep one night and wake up in Cair Paravel or on board the Dawn Treader. I found that what I was doing was feeding my hunger for the spectacular and heroic. When I was at UCSD I was part of a Christian group called InterVarsity. There was always a sense of urgency regarding our ministry on campus. It was always vital that what we did was important. I think that somehow, I've made most of my decisions since college for a similar reason, being a part of something important. Nursing is without a doubt meant to accomplish that end in my life.

When I first thought of nursing it seemed like the perfect answer to my questions about the future. I wanted to do something "spiritual" as in service to someone else. But I also wanted to be heroic and save people's lives either physically or spiritually. It's always with the sick and dying and the drastic changes in lives occur. And I wanted to be there to be a part of it.

During prayer last night I finally realized that. All the questioning that I've done for the past couple months has, I hope, come to an end. What I want is only found in God. I already knew that, but I had to discover it anew I guess. Only in Him do I find the urgency I crave. Only in Him will I find the direction from a leader to whom I actually want to submit. And He will give me missions that are fit especially for me. I guess I'm really just craving a rush, and I know that a life of worship is the only way for me to get that. So, just in case anyone was wondering, that's why I'm in nursing.