AIDS Meets My Reality

I had my first AIDS patient on Thursday during my clinical round. I don't really know what I expected before meeting my patient, but I think that what I experienced really helped blow all expectations out of the water.

When thinking of AIDS, I think of 1) homosexuals, 2) someone who seems really bitter, and 3) someone who is very sick. At least externally, my patient did not fit these stereotypes. He may have been gay, and that would be fine, but I think the fact that he didn't line up with this stereotype was a very big help to me for my first experience with this disease. I'm not the most biased person in the world, but I can still recognize that I have my fair share of bias towards certain lifestyles, especially those that I disagree with. (In case you're wondering, yes, I'm a Christian, and no, I don't think that just because someone is gay means they're going to hell. Homosexuality as a practice, according to the Bible, God's word, is sinful. It may not seem fair and it's far too easy for me, a heterosexual, to make such a claim when I have nothing to lose, but it's not my word, it's God's. But at the same time, homosexuality is not the primary defining characteristic of a person. I recognize that it is only one small aspect, just as me being white or American is a small part of my own personality. That said...) I found it a joy to take care of this man. He was very kind, polite and he made good conversation. I felt bad that I had to ask him so many questions and continually interrupt him to give him meds, take vitals and give instruction regarding healthcare practice. This patient put a new face on AIDS for me.

I think I have only begun to understand how horrible this disease is. His meds, I believe, have given him chemical pancreatitis. This is life-threatening and, I suspect, can be very painful. Because of this, he stopped taking his medications 6 months ago and now has a CD4 count of 1. That's bad, just in case you weren't sure. He had a couple different infections going at the same time too. I couldn't help but have compassion on the man. According to my instructor, he's looking a lot better since he arrived at the hospital some weeks prior. But I know that he doesn't want to be discharged. There's too much responsibility to carry by yourself with this disease. Too many do's and do not's. Too many pills to swallow. People with this disease need our help. They need our compassion, not our admonishment (assuming they got the HIV infection through risky sexual practices). Though the drugs may help them live much longer than 15 years ago, there still isn't a cure (and I suspect some people, many who call themselves "Christian," hope there never will be one since some feel this is "God's curse to fags"). I for one hope a cure will be found. I hope that I can find some way to be more caring towards the AIDS community both here in the states and world-wide.